Society tells me as a man that I’m to get in touch with my emotions more. It tells me that I need to work more on being self aware. Society tells me that I need to feel more. Society tells me that I need to be able to express my emotions and how I feel more. It tells me that as a man I need to share more of what is going deep inside my inner man. To be able to express my fears, my inadequacies and to face up to who I really am not.
Yet when I a man cry out from deep within where I have buried my pain. When I a man share of his deep shame, and cry from the pain. When I a man, share of a soul destroying shame that is caused by domestic violence at the hands of his wife.
What do I find? I find that society doesn’t really want to know a man who feels pain. Society doesn’t really care to hear that he is self aware. Society turns around and ignores his cry. Society laughs at his pain. Society denies his right to help and even assumes blame, and thinks he is less of a man. And so society adds to his guilt and shame.
And so this man turns inward having been encouraged by society to self blame and carry guilt and shame. For it turns out that society really wants a man who doesn’t care. Doesn’t feel! For what society really wants is a man to be silent and not to really share. It really wants this man to neither share, nor to be bent over double in despair.
But as a Christian I find a whisper to my soul. Keep looking up, for here you will find your goal. You can cast all your burdens onto me for I care. My yoke is easy and with me you can share. I know all about you. I know of your cares.
And so silently I start to cry out to above. Then the pain starts to come out; and becomes more then a sob. It’s a moan without words. It renders the heart. It comes from a pain of desperation that doesn’t know where to start.
Society may not care. And it may seem that I am on my own. No matter my struggle. No matter my need. No matter who ignores me, or refuses my story to believe. I have taken heart to know that the one whom is above. He has totally walked in my shoes and so gives comfort from above.
This comfort and care and this deep love from above, it’s not just for me. It’s for all who are in need. For He cries out to all, Come, come to me. All who are heavily burdened and deeply tired and in great pain. For I will give you rest. I will grant you relief. Together we will walk and bring you through all this grief.
So I start to sob and pour my heart out to God. He takes my pain, and replaces it again and again. He grants me great hope. He takes my guilt and he takes my shame and he replaces it with acceptance and love. It’s a love that’s so deep. A love that can only come from above, he replaces deep sorrow with joy from above. It’s a joy that brings strength. It’s a joy that brings hope.
And so the whisper to my soul is there is a future for you. I have a plan and a purpose and I truly love you.