I was totally gobsmacked.

22 10 2014

I was at a local community center yesterday and was talking with one of the workers there about domestic abuse and how women can abuse me. I expressed some of my frustration and hurt at the brochures on the subject, which say, “Women, children and others can be victims of abuse.” I then asked her, who and what were the others.

She said to me – “Oh, that’s easy, that could be the family pets, or other animals” 

I was heart punched by that comment. I was totally gobsmacked. It completely deflated me. I started to tremble inside. The inner pain washed over, through and covered me as painful memories from my experiences of a few short years ago came flooding back, threatening to overwhelm me. And so I exited that conversation and that building as soon as I could. In this case workers ideology, there was no room what so ever for her to consider that males could fit into that category. As the woman from the NSW Department of Community services told me in 2009 when I rang their domestic abuse hotline – “I don’t believe you – because only men are the abusers!”

On a brighter note. I shared my story with an up and coming student journalist, who is questioning the current feminist ideology that exists to become superior to men and the tactics used to implement that. (Her words, not mine) The conversation heartened me a lot. She too was gobsmacked when I told her of yesterdays conversation.

I have had a number of interviews now by a variety of media reporters regarding my story. Few of them have been published. Though I have been filmed, none of them have made it past the producers editorials committees and gone to air. But, I am encouraged by the fact that student journalists, who are the media faces of the future, are willing to grapple with the issues of equality within our world. And perhaps, one day, we will see the reality, that all genders are capable of being abused and being abusers…and when that is acknowledged – real programs can be implemented to help all who are abused, and all who are abusers.

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Interviewed by ABC.

28 11 2013

Today I was interviewed by Emma Renwick from the ABC.

It was an interesting experience going through the interview and live filming as I shared my story and other issues surrounding abuse. I was deeply impressed with the sensitivity and professionalism in the way Emma and her film crew handled the interview. Though we had to repeat ourselves a number of times, and the subject matter was personally confronting. I am glad that the media is taking seriously the issues that 1/3 of our community can become victims of abuse.





Should I or shouldn’t I?

6 09 2011

I have been talking to a number of people who have shared with me their story of being abused. Within the framework of those discussions its been often mentioned that its not to late to have the abuser charged with the abuse and they be punished for it. Within the law system of NSW there is no statue of limitations regarding such events.

I have been been tossing and turning the last few nights and thinking about the issue of taking your own medicine or following the advice given to others and having my ex charged regarding her past abuse. Certainly there has been no acknowledgement of this on her behalf and much manipulation of the children regarding such abuse.

One such issue is the fact that a couple of years ago my then 7 year old son witnessed and was distressed when a member of the family threatened to get a knife and stab me with it. Last night during a phone call he was saying “Dad – you have to build a bridge and get over it” that the person in question was only joking at the time….and that he was worried about it- he was only 7 at the time and didn’t understand that it was a joke….but now he is 9 he does understand it was a joke.

It was no joke at the time and his distress over that event also was no joke. It’s a common practice of abusers to turn something nasty into a form of a joke. To turn and abusive situation into something that they thought was funny. During the phone call my son said to me …Dad you didn’t have to sleep in your van…you could have stayed at your mums…I could hear his mum coaching him to say what he was saying in the background…

Yes its true, perhaps during that 6 week period, when I was sleeping in my van I could have stayed at my mums…but -during  the previous 16 months I had been repeatedly told that even my family wanted nothing to do with me and knew I was mentally ill…. that sort of mental / emotional abuse does play havoc with your mind and as a result I wan’t able to go and stay at my mums during that time.

I have been advised and am seriously thinking that I need to have my ex wife charged with the crime of physical, emotional, mental, verbal and spiritual abuse. For abuse is a crime. And my ex wife committed those crimes of abuse. So the question arises….what should I do?





Wrong diagnosis conspiracy between doctors and schools and new guidelines in the courts regarding domestic abuse

20 07 2011

Today’s Daily Telegraph has  two interesting articles in it. The first has to do with the large number of children being deliberately misdiagnosed with autism, so that schools / parents can get funding to help with difficult children.

The second has to do with new guidelines within the family court system in regards to emotional, mental, spiritual and financial abuse and the impacts this has on spouses abused in these areas.

I have spoken about this on a number of occasions previously and its something I am going to bring up with my sons specialist as I make an appointment to see him over the next few weeks to discuss my sons continual miss diagnosis and medication. The second issue about the new court guidelines, was also very interesting.

For I  received the correct forms from the Federal Magistrates court today, which will enable me to apply to the courts for a final court decision regarding the current failed negotiations for settlement of assets.





The cruellest of words.

1 07 2011

People can be hard and harsh. They can say and do the most hurtful things to others. One of the cruellest forms of cruelty I believe is the harsh words that parents speak over their children. The worst example of such was when I was sitting at a table and heard a mother saying to her adult daughter.

You have beautiful skin – the reason for it though is that you are so fat, that it fills out your wrinkles. 

Is it any wonder we live in a mixed up and hurting world?





Innocents facing the death penalty.

8 01 2011

 

Popular author  John Grisham is interviewed about his involvement in the USA judicial system regarding the death penalty. You can watch an interesting talk at a book expo regarding one of his upcoming books regarding this subject.

Interestingly he says its mostly men who are falsely incarcerated. He also says that the catch 22 regarding the execution process is that the system believes its impossible for innocent people to go onto being executed.

There are many forms of execution and you don’t have to be sitting on death row falsely accused to face a death blow. There are many others today who face a death blow every day; though they are not sitting on death row.

Day by day they face verbal, emotional, physical, mental and spiritual abuse; which slowly kills and destroys their very inner being…. yet society still refuses to believe what is happening.





It was never enough; until it became enough!

20 12 2010

It’s increasingly becoming clearer that a sign of abuse is that no matter what someone does, it is never enough. Not only is it never enough; it rarely if ever is good enough.

It was my own experience that rarely could I ever do enough. When I become sick and started to regain enough strength to start to mow the lawn; it wasn’t good enough that I was trying to mow; although it would take me three days to finish it. If I mowed the front; I would be criticised as to why I hadn’t finished the back. Or if I did the back; it would be why the edges were not done. The term “A real man would do more…” would always accompany those criticisms.

I started to do some basic work for a business at that rented an upstairs room at church. Basically it meant sitting down and putting some equipment together. Slowly and awkwardly I would do so. My co-ordination not the best. Often I would fall asleep in the chair; or drop tools and pieces as my hands started to shake uncontrollably.

I appreciated this time which was more beneficially to me on a social basis then it was on an economic level. One day I arrived and found no one was downstairs in the church office nor upstairs in the business area where I worked.

On my way down the stairs I slipped and slid down the stairs. I was reminded of the time I had collapsed at work and it had taken an hour and a half before someone found me. It also reminded me that I was being silly for trying to negotiate stairs with a walking stick and with the mobility and balance problems that I had. This incident shook me up pretty badly and in the interests of personal safety I decided not to continue doing what I had been doing.

I was told by my ex wife that that wasn’t a good excuse to stop and that the wife of the business partner also agreed with her. Of course I believed her at the time. In hindsight I now believe that she had lied about what this persons wife had said.

It was nearly 6 – 8 months after I came home from hospital that my GP put me on prednisone to help control the affects of asthma. The steroid helped me to feel stronger and I self medicated myself to 30 – 40 mg every 2 days.

During this time I started to do some plodding work for some friends on their hobby farm. I was able to paint their fence with sump oil. Do some basic fence repairs. They also drew on my past experience working with animals to show them how to ear tag, drench; and castrate the young calves and goats.

I would normally have enough steam to plodder along for about an hour and then have at least an 1/2 hour break before getting back to it. After 3 hours I was totally exhausted and I would have to stop on the way home for a sleep in the car.

I would normally go there once or twice a week. I enjoyed my time there and appreciated the help that was given to me. One particular day when I came home dead on my feet and totally exhausted my ex wife greeted me at the door; her hand held out for the money and said to me “…Your not doing enough; you never do enough… you have to do more…”

. These words killed me inside. They totally dried me up and internally I died. It was soon after that experience that the specialist found out I was self medicating on prednisone and she had a metaphorical fit at me for doing so; ordering me to slowly wean myself off it.

In doing this my strength waned and my endurance fell back to what it was before and I found my health back to what it had been previously.

There came a time when I head those words That a real man would do more, combined with the words you don’t do enough! too many times. And one day enough did become enough and because enough was enough; I told her I was going to divorce her… which is a topic for another day….