Unanswered questions

21 02 2011

Do you ever think back to a situation or experience and just wonder what really happened or wondered what was supposed to have happen? I have one such memory, which really crops up time to time and bugs me.

A few months before the separation happened; my wife begged me one morning not to go to church with her. She literally asked me to not go; saying that she had a ladies thing on afterwards.

When she came home; she gloated saying…Now every one knows what your like. They all know you have backslidden and lost your salvation because you didn’t come to church today.

I often ask myself what really happened at church that day? Was I to have gone. Was there an invitation to go that I had not received? What really happened?  I guess I will never know.



5 responses

21 02 2011
Brian LePort

That’s got to be a frustrating feeling. It is even more disappointing that the church took you’re wife’s word for it and assumed those things about you.

21 02 2011
Craig Benno

It is frustrating Brian.

The thing is; I don’t know if the church really even said those things and they were made up…or what happened.

22 02 2011
Cherry Galang

what happened then? According to your story they are harmful judgements. To know from whom? Yes, it is useful but is less important than TO WHOM…You are the target Craig, someone wants to damage, destroy and finish you with those harmful words.
Yes, you probably don’t understand what happened then but you know what is only helpful for you in this new season of your life 🙂 Bless you Craig!

22 02 2011
Craig Benno

Thanks Cherry.

Your words of wisdom are so true. The past no longer defines who I am. One of the things I have learnt from my Chaplaincy and other counselling training is to voice our story. Through this blog I am able to voice my past and disarm its affects over me.

14 03 2012
Shlomo Shunn

I heard she leapt from the balcony onto the chandelier, then took a dump that plopped into the punchbowl below from which a gaggle of gossips were sipping. :>)

Seriously, she probably bore false witness against you, all the while thinking herself a “good Christian.”


About the past: you’re right. You don’t “get over it” or “move on” until you feel the feelings you couldn’t express at the time.

Beware people who want you to “bury” the past. They are stuck themselves, and in denial, and fear your honesty will force THEM to feel feelings they’d rather not.

Happy people want others to be happy. And wise folks know that in order to be happy we sometimes have to feel unhappy…when sadness is real.

Never trust a man who can’t cry. Or a woman who mocks crying men as “babies.”

Shaming is the weapon of choice for emotional cowards.

Stay brave!

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