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Tags: speaking up, voice it
Categories : abusers, identity, Why do I blog
Someone asked me why it is that I blog about the past; particularly now that I have moved on, have remarried and started to make a new life. This is a good question and its a real valid question to ask.
My answer is that I do it because its my story. It’s part of who I am. For many years no one would listen to my story. There was much pain, that was deep inside and simmering away. When I did some telephone counselling training; one of the important things we were told was to allow people to name what it was they were going through.
Were they feeling frustrated, angry, annoyed, sad, happy etc and what was it that was making them feel that way.
Through the media of blogging, I am able to tell my story. I am able to voice what has happened to me, what I went through, how it made me feel and even how it makes me feel today. Yes its true that I could privately journal these things. Yet truthfully; if I did that; the result of privately journaling would be the same as keeping every thing inside and not being able to tell my story.
Blogging therefore is the media in which I am able to tell my story. I am able to write about my memories as they surface. I am able to reflect on my journey of life. And in telling it here; I am able to move on; pray and process it, forgive and be healed.
The sheer nature of abuse to to silence the voice of the one being abused. A result being that its extremely hard for those who have suffered abuse to actually speak out. In telling my story; I not only tell my own story. I actually speak up and out for those who likewise have been silent and are unable to tell their own story and in doing so; help others to speak up and out also and hopefully contribute towards great social justice for those who need it.
Secondly this blog doesn’t define who I am. It helps me to work through who I am and releases me to be who I am. I am able to tell my story and leave it here. My blog is like a deposit box. When the debt of the past comes up; I am able to tell it; get it out and leave it here. This might sound weird, and might sound strange…. but for me it is totally reasonable and it works for me.
Comments : 5 Comments »
Tags: looking back, questions
Categories : cycle of violence, domestic violence, manipulation
Do you ever think back to a situation or experience and just wonder what really happened or wondered what was supposed to have happen? I have one such memory, which really crops up time to time and bugs me.
A few months before the separation happened; my wife begged me one morning not to go to church with her. She literally asked me to not go; saying that she had a ladies thing on afterwards.
When she came home; she gloated saying…Now every one knows what your like. They all know you have backslidden and lost your salvation because you didn’t come to church today.
I often ask myself what really happened at church that day? Was I to have gone. Was there an invitation to go that I had not received? What really happened? I guess I will never know.
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Tags: Information received, Relief from being heard, Someone did their job
Categories : Family law, Family Mediation, gender equality, Human Rights, law, male help, mens help
The Australian Family Law act requires divorcing couples to undertake mediation; and thus free up the court system. There are a couple of exceptions; one of them being the case of domestic violence. I choose to go ahead with the mediation because I felt it was safer for me to do that; with a facilitator; then what it would have been in any face to face negotiation.
During that time; I challenged the facilitator about the lack of services and options that his company provided for male victims of DV. I have blogged about this before. Last week I received a phone call from the centre wanting to do a questionnaire with me about their services and how effective I found them.
I told her that I was extremely dissatisfied. That the process had empowered my ex’s abuse; and that I was really peeved that when entering the office, the walls were plastered with posters about dv being a crime and that all the public pamphlets in that office were to do with women being assaulted and they had nothing on display for men. Further more I told the lady about my questioning the facilitator about this and he went to look for some information for me and came back with a pamphlet from a mob who do general counselling…
To the credit of this lady on the phone; she seemed a little shocked. And she asked me if it was OK for her to put some stuff together and send it to me. I said thank you. Two days later I get a bulky envelope containing some brochures; fridge magnets, etc from various org’s. Such as Dad’s in Distress, Men’s Line, Catholic Care, Father’s Support Service and as well a photocopied list of various specific services; with the ones specific for men highlighted. She had also hand written some numbers on this paper with the name and number of someone from the Salvation Army.
I cried when I got this information. And while I still hold my reservations about the overall mediation experience; I say to this lady “Well done and thank you!”