I was totally gobsmacked.

22 10 2014

I was at a local community center yesterday and was talking with one of the workers there about domestic abuse and how women can abuse me. I expressed some of my frustration and hurt at the brochures on the subject, which say, “Women, children and others can be victims of abuse.” I then asked her, who and what were the others.

She said to me – “Oh, that’s easy, that could be the family pets, or other animals” 

I was heart punched by that comment. I was totally gobsmacked. It completely deflated me. I started to tremble inside. The inner pain washed over, through and covered me as painful memories from my experiences of a few short years ago came flooding back, threatening to overwhelm me. And so I exited that conversation and that building as soon as I could. In this case workers ideology, there was no room what so ever for her to consider that males could fit into that category. As the woman from the NSW Department of Community services told me in 2009 when I rang their domestic abuse hotline – “I don’t believe you – because only men are the abusers!”

On a brighter note. I shared my story with an up and coming student journalist, who is questioning the current feminist ideology that exists to become superior to men and the tactics used to implement that. (Her words, not mine) The conversation heartened me a lot. She too was gobsmacked when I told her of yesterdays conversation.

I have had a number of interviews now by a variety of media reporters regarding my story. Few of them have been published. Though I have been filmed, none of them have made it past the producers editorials committees and gone to air. But, I am encouraged by the fact that student journalists, who are the media faces of the future, are willing to grapple with the issues of equality within our world. And perhaps, one day, we will see the reality, that all genders are capable of being abused and being abusers…and when that is acknowledged – real programs can be implemented to help all who are abused, and all who are abusers.

Interviewed by ABC.

28 11 2013

Today I was interviewed by Emma Renwick from the ABC.

It was an interesting experience going through the interview and live filming as I shared my story and other issues surrounding abuse. I was deeply impressed with the sensitivity and professionalism in the way Emma and her film crew handled the interview. Though we had to repeat ourselves a number of times, and the subject matter was personally confronting. I am glad that the media is taking seriously the issues that 1/3 of our community can become victims of abuse.

Should I or shouldn’t I?

6 09 2011

I have been talking to a number of people who have shared with me their story of being abused. Within the framework of those discussions its been often mentioned that its not to late to have the abuser charged with the abuse and they be punished for it. Within the law system of NSW there is no statue of limitations regarding such events.

I have been been tossing and turning the last few nights and thinking about the issue of taking your own medicine or following the advice given to others and having my ex charged regarding her past abuse. Certainly there has been no acknowledgement of this on her behalf and much manipulation of the children regarding such abuse.

One such issue is the fact that a couple of years ago my then 7 year old son witnessed and was distressed when a member of the family threatened to get a knife and stab me with it. Last night during a phone call he was saying “Dad – you have to build a bridge and get over it” that the person in question was only joking at the time….and that he was worried about it- he was only 7 at the time and didn’t understand that it was a joke….but now he is 9 he does understand it was a joke.

It was no joke at the time and his distress over that event also was no joke. It’s a common practice of abusers to turn something nasty into a form of a joke. To turn and abusive situation into something that they thought was funny. During the phone call my son said to me …Dad you didn’t have to sleep in your van…you could have stayed at your mums…I could hear his mum coaching him to say what he was saying in the background…

Yes its true, perhaps during that 6 week period, when I was sleeping in my van I could have stayed at my mums…but -during  the previous 16 months I had been repeatedly told that even my family wanted nothing to do with me and knew I was mentally ill…. that sort of mental / emotional abuse does play havoc with your mind and as a result I wan’t able to go and stay at my mums during that time.

I have been advised and am seriously thinking that I need to have my ex wife charged with the crime of physical, emotional, mental, verbal and spiritual abuse. For abuse is a crime. And my ex wife committed those crimes of abuse. So the question arises….what should I do?

Wrong diagnosis conspiracy between doctors and schools and new guidelines in the courts regarding domestic abuse

20 07 2011

Today’s Daily Telegraph has  two interesting articles in it. The first has to do with the large number of children being deliberately misdiagnosed with autism, so that schools / parents can get funding to help with difficult children.

The second has to do with new guidelines within the family court system in regards to emotional, mental, spiritual and financial abuse and the impacts this has on spouses abused in these areas.

I have spoken about this on a number of occasions previously and its something I am going to bring up with my sons specialist as I make an appointment to see him over the next few weeks to discuss my sons continual miss diagnosis and medication. The second issue about the new court guidelines, was also very interesting.

For I  received the correct forms from the Federal Magistrates court today, which will enable me to apply to the courts for a final court decision regarding the current failed negotiations for settlement of assets.

The cruellest of words.

1 07 2011

People can be hard and harsh. They can say and do the most hurtful things to others. One of the cruellest forms of cruelty I believe is the harsh words that parents speak over their children. The worst example of such was when I was sitting at a table and heard a mother saying to her adult daughter.

You have beautiful skin – the reason for it though is that you are so fat, that it fills out your wrinkles. 

Is it any wonder we live in a mixed up and hurting world?

Damaged Women Group march on Congress.

30 03 2011

While this video clip is satire… it does bring home the point of what it is like to live with someone who is abusive. Pay attention to the 60 second mark.

Calvary Comments

8 03 2011

Over on the Calvary Comments blog they have posted 4 myths about Domestic Abuse.

They being

1. Domestic violence doesn’t happen in my community.

2. Only men can be abusers

3. It’s obvious when someone is the victim of abuse

4. It should be easy to leave an abusive partner.


It’s good to see this points being emphasised; though there are some serious statistical numbers being presented that are clearly wrong…such as 25 % of women will suffer DV, and 85 % DV victims are women. All together though there are some worthwhile points that have been made.

I made this comment; which awaits moderation and frankly I will be surprised if it is allowed to be posted.

Your statistic about 85% of dv abuse victims being women is wrong and a little miss-leading as DV is not considered to be just battering…but includes emotional, sexual, physical, mental, verbal and spiritual abuse. In the west; current research over the last 10 years has shown that within heterosexual relationships 8% of those relationships will be women who face abuse and 7% will be men who suffer abuse from the hands of their partners. This equates to a minimum of 40% of males being victims of intimate partner abuse.

Then the figures raise significantly higher within same sex relationships where the level of abuse is considered to be the same between male / male and female / female.