Should I or shouldn’t I?

6 09 2011

I have been talking to a number of people who have shared with me their story of being abused. Within the framework of those discussions its been often mentioned that its not to late to have the abuser charged with the abuse and they be punished for it. Within the law system of NSW there is no statue of limitations regarding such events.

I have been been tossing and turning the last few nights and thinking about the issue of taking your own medicine or following the advice given to others and having my ex charged regarding her past abuse. Certainly there has been no acknowledgement of this on her behalf and much manipulation of the children regarding such abuse.

One such issue is the fact that a couple of years ago my then 7 year old son witnessed and was distressed when a member of the family threatened to get a knife and stab me with it. Last night during a phone call he was saying “Dad – you have to build a bridge and get over it” that the person in question was only joking at the time….and that he was worried about it- he was only 7 at the time and didn’t understand that it was a joke….but now he is 9 he does understand it was a joke.

It was no joke at the time and his distress over that event also was no joke. It’s a common practice of abusers to turn something nasty into a form of a joke. To turn and abusive situation into something that they thought was funny. During the phone call my son said to me …Dad you didn’t have to sleep in your van…you could have stayed at your mums…I could hear his mum coaching him to say what he was saying in the background…

Yes its true, perhaps during that 6 week period, when I was sleeping in my van I could have stayed at my mums…but -during ┬áthe previous 16 months I had been repeatedly told that even my family wanted nothing to do with me and knew I was mentally ill…. that sort of mental / emotional abuse does play havoc with your mind and as a result I wan’t able to go and stay at my mums during that time.

I have been advised and am seriously thinking that I need to have my ex wife charged with the crime of physical, emotional, mental, verbal and spiritual abuse. For abuse is a crime. And my ex wife committed those crimes of abuse. So the question arises….what should I do?

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4 responses

7 09 2011
Gordon Cheng

What’s your chance of winning, Craig-o? To try and lose could well be adding insult to your injury, not to mention the possibility of whether she decides to turn the tables and go after you in court for something real or imagined.

And that’s even before you consider anything about it from a Christian perspective.

7 09 2011
Craig Benno

Thanks Gordon. I’m not sure about that one…I’m not so worried about myself. I have come to terms with 1Cor 6 in that matter. It’s working through the ethic of justice for the kids.

I shared at Hope Street on Sunday (fathers day) some of my story, and one of my boys came with me. That night I received an abusive email from my older son (12) saying if I didn’t take down my utube video, delete this blog and never share my story again etc he wasn’t going to see me any more…..

When I rang them last night the oldest didn’t want to talk..though he eventually did and you could hear their mum in the back ground telling them what to say……

So I have one child miss diagnosed as being autistic and drugged because he was playing up at school because of what he has experienced, the other goes to a support group for siblings of disabled kids – he gets counselling with their mother sitting in the room with him and the counsellor ???????

I have the church leadership from the church my ex goes to refusing to talk to me / with us – though I have asked them to sit down with us / me – so a proper pastoral response can be worked through….

24 09 2011
Christian J. (@whatmenaresayin)

My commiseration on your struggle Craig as it would appear to be an ongoing one. Needless to say that there are many Fathers out there facing the exact same situation and the stories and experiences are sadly similar..
You may find some advantage to checking out a few sites like Father4justice or Dads on the Air if you have not already done so as there are quite a few in similar situations as yourself..
Good luck..

24 09 2011
Craig Benno

Thanks Christian J. I also highly recommend those orgs you mentioned.

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